i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
