My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
