your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
