Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize