my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
