So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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