I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
