brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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