So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
