Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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