I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
