Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize