if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
