I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
