I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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