I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
