Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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