Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
