i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
