Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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