do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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