carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
