So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the condom got lost in my hair
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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