Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
