he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
