My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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