i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize