and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
