I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
