I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
