Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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