i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
