I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
