Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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