im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize