"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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