wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
