Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
