You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
