i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
