apparently the secret to your success is patron
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
