we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize