I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
