Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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