she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
