Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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