I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize