Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
