i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
