true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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