So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
