Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
