I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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