I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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