my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
