Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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