you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
