If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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