I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
