If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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