What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
