She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
