is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
