Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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